Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
