Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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