The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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