I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
