Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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