it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
