Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
