but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
