FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
