The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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