Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
