I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
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i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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