sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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