I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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