Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
