I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
