I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
