All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
