I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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