A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
