We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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