A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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