Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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