proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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