You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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