He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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