Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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