all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
