Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
