i wish my penis had a tongue
Everything about him screamed your future.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
