Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
