Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
