Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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