Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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