and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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