What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
