i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Randomize
