have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize