More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
barbara walters just said penis...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I love you.
Bad choice
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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