My liver just broke up with me...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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