@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
