ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
