Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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