i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
