New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
