Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
