I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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