I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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