The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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