Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
