I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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