Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
