I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
