you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
