you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
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