If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
