Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
