The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
