my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
