she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
