there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Church boner. Awkwardddd
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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