WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
