I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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