would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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