Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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