He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
