I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
