She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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