yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
