When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
