he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
