I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
