did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
