is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
