Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
