if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
