Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
