Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
