If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
