I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
