I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
